My friend Todd has recently been on a Christmas Carol watch-a-thon. He wanted suggestions, and last night I said, “Surely you’re watching Blackadder’s Christmas Carol; I watch it every year on Christmas Day.” It hadn’t occurred to him, to watch, not the redemption of Ebenezer Scrooge, but the corruption of Ebenezer Blackadder. Hopefully, it’s in his watching queue now.
One thing I do every year is to watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Every year, on Christmas Eve, while wrapping presents, I watch this completely terrible film.
And it is completely terrible.
Did I mention how completely terrible it is?
I mean, for fuck’s sake, there’s a polar bear in it that looks less convincing than the Slyther in “The Dalek Invasion of Earth.” It’s clearly a guy in a suit. It doesn’t even look like a bear.
But it’s not Christmas until I’ve seen Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
The thing about it, the plot’s not that bad. Mars is dying, Martian children have become too sedate, and Kimar, the leader of the Martians, decides that they need Santa Claus to save their children. Meanwhile, one of his lieutenants believes that Santa Claus will corrupt Mars. And so the Martians attack the North Pole, take Santa captive, and then there’s a mini-civil war on Mars.
It’s just the execution…
This is clearly a movie made of stock footage, spit, and bailing wire. And not a budget.
So that’s my main Christmas tradition. To watch this completely bonkers film about Martians attacking the North Pole.
As traditions go, I could do worse.
Any takers? What off-the-wall Christmas traditions do you have?
If you’re traveling today, safe journey.