On Automatic Silliness

I saw this on several friends’ LiveJournals: a short story generator. Most everyone used it to create bad Star Trek fanfic, but I decided to be different. I’d create Doctor Who fanfic.

So, with much ado, I give you…

The Cat Princess

The Doctor was walking through a turgid meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a paltry little cat lying under a tree.

The Doctor skipped over to see the dear thing and was translucent to find that she was hurt! A photograph had pierced her magisterial little wrist and she whimpered lazily with the pain.

“My idyllic little friend,” Doctor said. “Let me help you!” He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the photograph, as bluntly as he could. The cat cried out and the Doctor’s heart ached, as she spun away from the gently twinkling stars. “You’ll be all right,” the Doctor whispered. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll call you Sarah Jane and you can live with me forever!”

Scooping Sarah Jane up in his arms, the Doctor carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, the Doctor nursed Sarah Jane, cleaning her wrist and feeding her Calendar-brand cat chow.

On the eighth night, Sarah Jane climbed into bed with the Doctor. She burrowed under the covers and amazingly jumped the Doctor’s knee. It made the Doctor giggle and he cuddled close to Sarah Jane, stroking her neck and singing quickly to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, the Doctor hurried home so he could curl up with Sarah Jane. It gave him a splendid feeling whenever Sarah Jane jumped his knee.

Then one night, Sarah Jane looked up at the Doctor and said, “If you kiss me, I will become a sterile princess.”

The Doctor screamed desperately, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

“You’re not dreaming,” Sarah Jane said. “Kiss me.”

“Don’t tell anyone I screamed like that,” the Doctor said and kissed Sarah Jane on her neck. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sterile princess! With a crown and everything!

“I’m Princess Sarah Jane,” she said. “I was cursed. It’s a long story.”

“Is it really you?” the Doctor said.

“See?” Sarah Jane said and showed the Doctor the scar from the photograph on her wrist. Then she kissed the Doctor and they tumbled in the TARDIS and did a lot of very blue things, some of them involving a decaying globe.

“I love you,” Sarah Jane said when they were done. The Doctor clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Sarah Jane had stashed away.

And if Sarah Jane didn’t know about the Doctor’s visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn’t hurt her.

Surprisingly, it’s not too bad. :/

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