On My Bad Day

A quick summation.

I've been suffering panic attacks. Since Saturday, to be exact.

Long-time Allynologists will tell you that I have a lot going on in my life right now, and very little of it is stable.

Saturday afternoon at work, I tensed up, my breathing tightened, and I felt a fight-or-flight response building inside and I just couldn't deal with customers or employees at that particular moment.

Today's been the same.

At least, today I have an inkling why the panic attacks struck.

My grandmother went off the deep end. And it wasn't pretty. As I've said before, my landlord wants to sell the house, hoping to turn a profit thanks to the development going in some twenty yards away. According to my grandmother, though, he can't sell the house because it's not his to sell. She's become convinced that this house was given to her by her father some sixty-odd years ago, and her father received it as a grant from the King of England, so my landlord can't actually sell the house because the papers proving my grandmother's ownership of the house are in her brother Calvin's safe deposit box in Rocky Mount. (Damn, I typed that out and it makes some strange sense–listening to it this morning it made no sense.) So, she cried and she screamed and she yelled and she cried some more.

The other reason? I hired a new assistant manager. He started last week. And I know that, as a new employee, he's going to ask questions. He needs to ask questions so he can learn. But he was worrying me to death with his questions, things I'd explained, five or six times before. That, too, was setting me on edge.

As far as work=work, it's actually been good the past two weeks. Things aren't quite as bleak as they once seemed. Still somewhat bleak, though. Somewhat.

As I've said earlier, I am looking forward to this weekend as a blessing. Some time away from the store. Some time out of the state, some time away from my grandmother. The opportunity to pick up the local newspapers to scour their job postings at my leisure. Blessings. 🙂

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