On Slurpee Goodness

It took an hour to get home from work tonight. 795 was a fucking parking lot, and so I went down to Liberty Road.

I hate Liberty Road.

Bumper to bumper. Stoplights. Stupid drivers pulling out into traffic.

I saw a 7-11. After an hour on the road, I thought I deserved a Slurpee.

I grabbed a cup. I affixed the lid.


I turned the knob.

And what came out?

Pure. Syrup.

I turned the knob. Shut off the flow. I looked around.

And then I filled the cup. All the way to the top.

Pure! Slurpee! Syrup!


One observation. Pure Slurpee syrup burns as it goes down.

I wonder what it would be like, if mixed with vodka.


2 thoughts on “On Slurpee Goodness

  1. Your story reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Bart and Milhouse believe they have what it takes to drink a pure syrup Squishee. So how was that sugar high crash?

  2. That precise episode went through my head as I was filling my Slurpee cup. Would I trip the light fantastic like Bart and Milhouse did? And join the Junior Woodchucks?

    Wait, that’s not right. Junior Woodchucks is Uncle Scrooge and DuckTales.

    Sadly, no sugar high, and no sugar high crash.

    Slurpee syrup is more than a little gross, and more than a little sludgey. It burned something fierce going down, and I maybe had a third of what I’d filled the Slurpee cup with (the 1.49 size) before I couldn’t take any more.

    I’d figure that by drinking a third of the cup, I got the same amount of Slurpee syrup I’d have gotten if the Slurpee had been, y’know, a Slurpee.

    Ultimately, I poured the rest down the toilet.

    I did feel slightly guilty about taking a full Slurpee cup of Slurpee syrup. I’m not sure why I felt that twinge of guilt, though.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *