On the Things I Did This Weekend

I went to North Carolina this weekend to attend the wedding of two of my dearest friends. So what did my weekend look like?

  1. Somehow I got out of the house Saturday morning at 3:30 without waking my grandmother.
  2. I’d forgotten just how much I liked Bryan Adams’ seminal album, Reckless. Takes me back to junior high school.
  3. The Washington beltway was closed to one lane at 4:30 in the morning. One lane!
  4. I saw the worst accident north of Fredericksburg on I-95 as I was heading south. It required seven state troopers and a massive crane.
  5. Aunt Sarah’s Pancake House. Broad Street. 6:15 in the morning.
  6. I wrote longhand in Aunt Sarah’s and drank coffee. I felt vaguely Hemingway-esque.
  7. I left a five dollar tip on a ten dollar check. The Apple Cinnamon Pancakes were just that good.
  8. I puttered around the University of Richmond for an hour.
  9. I skipped stones on Westhampton Lake. God, what a rancid, smelly lake that is.
  10. I reminisced about an autumn evening a decade ago spent on the hill in front of Boatwright Library, overlooking the lake, with S.M. and a six-pack of Sam Adams.
  11. At a rest area in North Carolina, I saw a redhead wearing a “Team Edward” t-shirt as I was backing out to get onto the expressway. I rolled down the window, shouted “Potato Moon!” as a lark, and sped off. She passed me twenty minutes down the road. If she paid me any notice, I don’t know.
  12. I drove with the window down, my left arm hanging on the door, and it became horribly sunburned in the North Carolina sun.
  13. Despite not having been there in three years, and despite coming at it from a completely unfamiliar direction, I found the GameStop in Smithfield on the first try.
  14. I saw Tina, whom I hadn’t seen in nearly three years. 🙂
  15. I got lost leaving Smithfield.
  16. I stopped in Garner and saw Jim, whom I also hadn’t seen in three years.
  17. I had forgotten how completely flat eastern North Carolina is.
  18. I had also forgotten how completely empty North Carolina is. The only state I enjoy driving through less than North Carolina? South Carolina.
  19. I had forgotten how blooming hot North Carolina can be in the summer.
  20. I had also forgotten how completely humid North Carolina can be in the summer. When I got out of the car at the Wal-Mart in New Bern (because I needed to buy film), I felt like I’d stood out in the rain for an hour while standing under a shower nozzle.
  21. I ironed my dress shirt, and the only injury I suffered was when I dropped the iron on my foot. The shirt turned out fine.
  22. I forgot how sudden thunderstorms can appear in North Carolina. I got absolutely drenched on my way to Target to buy a new battery for my camera.
  23. I parked in a swamp.
  24. I discovered how small the world is. The boyfriend of one of the bridesmaids knows Farpoint’s Renfield.
  25. I tied his necktie.
  26. I told the groom’s grandfather that the storm would break before the wedding and that the sun would come out. “It’s a damned certainty,” I said. “The wind gauge is with us.”
  27. The sun came out.
  28. The groom’s aunt looks exactly like my mother’s first cousin. This caused me massive cognitive dissonance.
  29. I set up chairs for the guests to sit in down on the river bank.
  30. Despite a dozen men setting up the chairs, after the ceremony I was only one of two men to take them down and reset them in the reception area.
  31. I shot three rolls of film.
  32. I cried buckets.
  33. I discovered that I really like chablis.
  34. I forgot that I really shouldn’t drink wine.
  35. The deejay had never heard of Elbow. Or Jaydiohead. And instead of playing the “Imperial March,” he played the Star Wars theme.
  36. Pork Chop Sandwiches.” (Seriously. I instigated a conversation about that spoof video. And the one with the two kids on the ice.)
  37. I was attacked by a swarm of fireflies.
  38. I blew bubbles.
  39. North Carolina can be pitch black at night.
  40. I realized, with some sadness, that it’s awesome to live in a state where you can buy beer and wine in Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Maryland is not such a state.
  41. By complete chance I found that the perfect chaser to a Yuengling Dark Brewed Porter is Wal-Mart’s Peanut Butter Fudge cookies.
  42. Alanis Morissette.
  43. I started to mentally assemble a “soundtrack” for writing “THOD.”
  44. I do not like Starbucks’ Pike blend.
  45. I do like Caribou Coffee’s Mint Connection.
  46. I gave my niece a “Care Cthulhu.”
  47. I bought Beamish Stout at Total Wine & More. And Highland Brewery‘s Oatmeal Porter. I can’t get either in Maryland.
  48. I made good time coming home. Until I reached Ashland north of Richmond, whereupon the journey took shades of The Odyssey.
  49. I cursed the traffic. A lot.
  50. I drove through downtown Fredericksburg, right past Mary Washington, because I missed the turn I was looking for.
  51. Pizza Hut!
  52. Did I mention Pizza Hut?
  53. No, really, that was the first real food I’d had since, umm, breakfast on Saturday.
  54. I hate traffic circles. Unless I’m driving around them in circles deliberately just to fuck with people. Otherwise, they’re stupid. (The intersection of US-15 and US-50, I’m talking to you.)
  55. The thing that kept me awake the last two hours on the road? My headache.
  56. I hit the bed and passed out.

And a whole lotta other things besides. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *