Two years ago, in the weeks leading up to the release of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, it surprised me how many people I knew didn’t already know how the story ended. One friend was seriously pateeved that in describing my curiosity as to how the confrontation between Frodo and Gollum in the Cracks of Doom would be staged I had given away the manner in which the One Ring was destroyed.
Huh? The book had been available for fifty years. The animated film was nearly twenty-five years old. It’s not like The Return of the King film was a new story.
So, when I see something like this:
I don’t understand…are you saying there’s no message in Aslan sacrificing himself like Christ on the stone table for Edward?
Fuck, I can’t even type this shit without screaming allegory.
And the reply:
You think you could tear yourself away from your rant for two seconds to use some spoiler code? Huh? Do you?
‘Cause not everyone has read these books. I’m one of those people who plans to read it in the coming weeks before seeing the film.
There’s only one possible response–have you spent your whole life living in a fucking cave? The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe has been out there for fifty years. There have been previous film adaptations–animated and not. The front page of the USA Today last week asked the question, Is Aslan Jesus? The principle idea animating the series isn’t exactly new.
There’s a statute of limitations on this stuff. Titanic? The boat sinks. King Kong? The big hairy ape dies. Soylent Green? People. Get over it, people. What passes for an education today, the things people just don’t know….