On Fandom Fights

When I first read about Star Wars Transformers, I thought they would be the coolest toys ever. Imagine Rebel Alliance ships turning in Autobots! Imagine Imperial ships turning into Decepticons! In some weird, alternate reality, Rodimus Prime is a B-Wing fighter, and Galvatron is a TIE-Interceptor. And that would be awesome.

Naturally, Star Wars Transformers aren’t anywhere near that interesting. In reality, they’re quite stupid. Darth Vader turns into a TIE-Fighter? Puh-leese. Darth Vader isn’t some freakin’ death robot.

Of course, that didn’t stop the musing.

In a fight, who would win?

The Death Star?

Unicron is vastly larger than a planet — we actually see Unicron standing on Cybertron, and his robot form dwarfs the planet. (As my brother likes to point out, Unicron’s mere presence should have irrevocably altered Cybertron’s orbit, and Unicron standing on Cybertron could have crushed the planet due to Unicron’s much greater mass. I don’t think anyone watches Transformers for the physics, however.)

The Death Star, meanwhile, is small moon-sized. Going by the physics, Unicron’s gravitational pull would attract the Death Star. Unicron might be able to grab hold of the Death Star and crush it between his hands.

But would Unicron be able to shrug off the massive turbolaser fire of the Death Star? It cracks planets, for freak’s sake. If the Death Star can get off one good shot, it could be all over for Unicron.

I’m leaning toward Unicron emerging from this battle the victor.

I don’t think the might of the Empire could stand against Unicron. Not even the genius of Grand Admiral Thrawn could take down Unicron.

And the Jedi? Don’t make me fucking laugh.

Unicron defeats the Death Star.

Published by Allyn

A writer, editor, journalist, sometimes coder, occasional historian, and all-around scholar, Allyn Gibson is the writer for Diamond Comic Distributors' monthly PREVIEWS catalog, used by comic book shops and throughout the comics industry, and the editor for its monthly order forms. In his over ten years in the industry, Allyn has interviewed comics creators and pop culture celebrities, covered conventions, analyzed industry revenue trends, and written copy for comics, toys, and other pop culture merchandise. Allyn is also known for his short fiction (including the Star Trek story "Make-Believe,"the Doctor Who short story "The Spindle of Necessity," and the ReDeus story "The Ginger Kid"). Allyn has been blogging regularly with WordPress since 2004.

One thought on “On Fandom Fights

  1. Unicron is also much more agile. All he has to do is snag the Death Star from a direction opposite the giant turbolaser and it’s all over for the Empire and their contracted labor.

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