I had Ted Cruz’s announcement of Carly Fiorina as his Vice President pick running in the background while I worked with spreadsheets. This was a pure Hail Mary pass. Some immediate takeaways…

First, Ted Cruz’s relationship to the Constitution is exactly like a fundamentalist Muslim’s relationship with the Qur’an. Both believe their Holy Writs are the unchanging and unchanging word of their respective gods (the Founders for Cruz, Allah for the Muslim) and must be venerated.

Second, on a cynical level, there wasn’t enough to this event to justify the coverage it received. It seemed mainly to exist as a way to get the nets to cover Cruz’s standard stump speech.

Third, the production values reminded me of a cash-strapped high school drama production.

Fourth, parts of both Cruz and Fiorina’s speeches were downright creepy, specifically anything about Cruz’s daughters. I really thought Cruz was about to say at one point, “Kids, your mother and I are getting a divorce and Carly will be your new mommy.” And when Fiorina started to sing the songs that she sings with Cruz’s kids… *ugh*

Fifth, Fiorina’s argument that we need to “take back the country,” taken to their logical conclusion, amounts to an incitement to armed rebellion.

Sixth, who exactly does Fiorina and Cruz think “took” our country? Where did it go?

Seventh, Ted Cruz clearly lives in a phildickian dystopia where the last seven years didn’t happen.

Eighth, I doubt that Cruz would meet his own standards of character, which he cited as a reason for picking Fiorina. He talked about how you can judge someone by how they treat a stranger, someone who doesn’t have anything, someone who works in a convenience store, etc. By that standard, his opposition to the social safety net should disqualify him for president, let alone the dog catcher of Podunk, Texas.

Ninth, it was interesting the extent to which Cruz was rhetorically railing against both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump in his speech. It was probably necessary for Cruz to constantly refer to Trump as a “liberal”; since Cruz has positioned himself as the living avatar of modern conservativism (which is more radical than conservative), he needed to make clear that there’s a difference between himself and Trump and that voters who want a conservative in the race have only one place to go. Naturally, Cruz couldn’t mention John Kasich once.

Tenth, someone should tell Carly Fiorina that, for someone who says she has an interest in history, she’s a really poor historian. The Founding generation, which she cited frequently, wasn’t religious in the way she seems to think they were, and most weren’t Christians in any sense she (or most people today) would recognize. Jefferson, especially.

Eleventh, I would not have been surprised if Cruz had ripped his face off in the middle of the speech, revealed Rorschach’s mask underneath.

Twelfth, as I’ve said before, I have no doubt that I would end up in a concentration camp for atheists in Ted Cruz’s America.

That covers it.

This won’t move the needle on Cruz’s campaign one iota. But it did help him win the media cycle for an afternoon, after he got crushed by Donald Trump in the Acela Primary yesterday.

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