Facebook, you know me well.
Imagine, for a moment, that was said in an outrageously broad French accent. If you’ve played Age of Empires III, think of the Napoleon voice in that game. A deep register, kind of aggressive, very stereotypical French.
Facebook wants me to buy some off-brand LEGO. I’m not sure if it’s real or not — could be AI slop, I suspect the images are AI slop — but that’s not the point. It suggested three things that pique my historical interest, to greater and lesser degrees.
Here wa have a set based on the coronoation of King Charles VII of France, during the Hundred Years War, as Joan of Arc looks on.
I admit, this is pretty cool. Is it something I need? No. It is not. But, the Hundred Years War? Certainly of interest.
Next, we have this intriguing set.
The Reign of Terror! Madmae Guillotine! And, is that the Scarlet Pimpernel atop the building, looking down on the French noble who has just lost his head?!?
Is this something I need? No. Is it awesome as heck? “You’re goddamn right.” If I had the money, this would go on the list of things to buy… if I were ever convinced this were real and not just an AI Facebook scam.
Finally…
The coronation of Napoleon at Notre Dame! Six months before the start of Tolstoy’s War and Peace! (Though, personally, I believe some of the chapters in Part 1 that are supposedly set in 1805 are actually set in 1804. Time is a very strange thing in War and Peace, especially when you trace Andrei’s comings and goings between January and June 1812.)
Is this something I need? No. Not even remotely. Would I buy it? Did I not just say to imagine Napoleon in Age of Empires III? Have I not visited the grave of Napoleon’s nephew Jerome in Baltimore and possibly shouted, “Vive le France! Vive l’Empereur!” in an outrageous French accent?
I would, to be fair, be more likely to buy the Reign of Terror set than the Coronation of Napoleon set. There’s something deeply transgressive about a (not) LEGO set based on the French Revolution with a freaking guillotine.
I am not buying any of these, but the Reign of Terror set would definitely get a look. If only it had a Robespierre minifig…