I received an urgent request to fill out an annual report to the Head Beagle. I think this urgent request may have come to me by accident — unlike Snoopy I am not a beagle — but in the spirit of the New Year, herewith is my 2016 response to the annual survey.

1. How many rabbits have you chased?
I chased no rabbits in 2016. I was content to let the rabbits frolic outside of my apartment. Some mornings I would even sit outside and drink my coffee as they frolicked in the spring. No rabbits.

2. How many cats have you chased?
I chased no cats. I’ve not seen a cat in a while, honestly. No cats.

3. How many owls did you howl at?
No owls. I’ve not seen an owl this year. I’ve seen lots of squirrels! There was a squirrel making a mating call just a few hours ago while I was throwing out recyclables. But a squirrel is not an owl. No owls.

4. Did you take part in any fox hunts?
No fox hunts. I’ve never been on a fox hunt. I’ll never participate in a fox hunt. No foxes.

5. Relationships with humans…
a. How did you treat your master?

If you mean my bosses at work, we’ve gotten along fine.

b. Were you friendly to neighborhood children?
Yes, I’ve treated the neighbors’ children nicely.

c. Did you bite anyone?
No, because that’s gross and mean.

I think I would not make a particularly good beagle.

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