Reporting to the Head Beagle on 2016

I received an urgent request to fill out an annual report to the Head Beagle. I think this urgent request may have come to me by accident — unlike Snoopy I am not a beagle — but in the spirit of the New Year, herewith is my 2016 response to the annual survey.

1. How many rabbits have you chased?
I chased no rabbits in 2016. I was content to let the rabbits frolic outside of my apartment. Some mornings I would even sit outside and drink my coffee as they frolicked in the spring. No rabbits.

2. How many cats have you chased?
I chased no cats. I’ve not seen a cat in a while, honestly. No cats.

3. How many owls did you howl at?
No owls. I’ve not seen an owl this year. I’ve seen lots of squirrels! There was a squirrel making a mating call just a few hours ago while I was throwing out recyclables. But a squirrel is not an owl. No owls.

4. Did you take part in any fox hunts?
No fox hunts. I’ve never been on a fox hunt. I’ll never participate in a fox hunt. No foxes.

5. Relationships with humans…
a. How did you treat your master?

If you mean my bosses at work, we’ve gotten along fine.

b. Were you friendly to neighborhood children?
Yes, I’ve treated the neighbors’ children nicely.

c. Did you bite anyone?
No, because that’s gross and mean.

I think I would not make a particularly good beagle.

Published by Allyn

A writer, editor, journalist, sometimes coder, occasional historian, and all-around scholar, Allyn Gibson is the writer for Diamond Comic Distributors' monthly PREVIEWS catalog, used by comic book shops and throughout the comics industry, and the editor for its monthly order forms. In his over ten years in the industry, Allyn has interviewed comics creators and pop culture celebrities, covered conventions, analyzed industry revenue trends, and written copy for comics, toys, and other pop culture merchandise. Allyn is also known for his short fiction (including the Star Trek story "Make-Believe,"the Doctor Who short story "The Spindle of Necessity," and the ReDeus story "The Ginger Kid"). Allyn has been blogging regularly with WordPress since 2004.

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