There’s an amusing Tweet I’ve seen the last few years about hardcore Catholic converts that amuses me in a dark, sarcastic way. You’ve probably seen it, too.
Let’s do some exegesis here.
“Archon” is a Greek term meaning “ruler.” So, a ruler of Constantinople. But this ruler is writing an “epistle on the… eucharist,” so it’s likely to be a religious ruler. Which would be the Patriarch of Constantinople. But why would the adult Catholic convert use the term “Archon” instead of “Patriarch”? Because the adult convert is a fervent believer in the supremacy of Rome, and calling the Patriarch “the Patriarch” elevates the Patriarch more than the adult convert is comfortable with; the adult convert doesn’t want to appear as though he’s heeding the Eastern Church over the Roman. And while the word “Archon” sounds Gnostic (cf, The Apocryhphon of John) and the adult convert Catholic would be opposed to Gnosticism, the use of the word “Archon” would appeal because of the suggestion that they understand the true and secret faith.
If the adult convert is taking on the writings of the “Archon” to shape his theology, then the epistle on the Pentecostine rites will pre-date the Great Schism of 1054. Probably it even comes before the fall of Rome to the Visigoths. So, maybe 4th century? A contemporary of St. Basil and the Cappadocian Fathers? Certainly no later than the First Iconoclasm Controversy of the 8th century, which is where serious divergences between East and West began to emerge.
The “Pentecostine Rites of the Eucharist” sounds a bit silly, but breaking down the words, especially “Pentecostine” points toward the Eucharist on Pentecost Sunday, which falls, IIRC, on the seventh Sunday after Easter. Thus, the “Archon” wrote a letter about the proper celebration of the Eucharist on Pentecost Sunday.
With an early composition date (4th, 5th century CE), the epistle on the “Pentecostine Rites” obviously cannot say anything about women’s driver’s licenses. Thus, something the Archon wrote has been warped and misinterpreted by 21st-century tradbro Catholics in an utterly absurd and misogynistic way.
Alternatively, it occurs to me that “the Archon of Constantinople” refers not to a religious leader but a civic leader, ie., the city governor, and his epistle has nothing really to do with the eucharist but is rather an edict that on Pentecost Sunday carts women are not to push carts to and from the metropolis’ markets, not for any religious reasons but because he’s declaring a one-off holiday for women, and the tradbro Catholics ascribe religious motives to it and interpret this civic ordinance far beyond its 1,500 year-old intention.
In short, it’s all a bunch of disingenuous bullshit. Which is why the joke works. 🙂