Ah, Facebook, you know me!
Facebook serves ads. Ads and algorithmic content are Facebook’s raison d’être, after all, not keeping up with friends, family, and things of interest. It’s vitally important that Facebook show me interesting restaurants in Memphis (never been) and concerts I’d like to see in Tulsa (also never been) instead of, oh, I dunno, a friend’s impassioned post about a life crisis they’re going through. Those Memphis ads don’t get seen by themselves, no sirree!
So, it came as some surprise recently that Facebook began showing me ads relevant to my interests. Like, how does this happen, Zuck?
Mind you, being unemployed and all for these last seven months doesn’t put me in a position to buy any of these things, but when I get a job, dadgummit, one or two of these items will be intensely pondered. Intensely, I say!
Take, for instance, an Indiana Jones leather satchel. Would I like an Indiana Jones leather satchel? Did Walter Donovan choose poorly? You bet your Grail diary I want an Indiana Jones leather satchel.
I didn’t even click through to price it. I didn’t want to know.
Maybe I need something new to wear…
As someone with two unlicensed pop culture baseball jerseys in his closet — a Nationals Oasis jersey and a Nationals Peanuts jersey — an unlicensed Harrisburg Senators Bluey jersey is cool. I am, however, far outside of Bluey‘s targeted age group. Offer an unlicensed Senators Peanuts jersey and I’m there.
Also, I’ve only seen Bluey once. It was when my dad was in the hospital in November, about a month before my mom died. It was on when he was in his hospital room. I thought it was cute. My mom was annoyed by it.
The Chicago Cubs “250 Years of Freedom” shirt? The description is “American Fireworks,” but those are clearly palm trees and flamingoes. Not my style. No. Just… no.
T-shirts have not been forgotten!
Okay, that Bartleby the Scrivener t-shirt is mighty tempting. From time to time I would reply to emails at Diamond asking me to do something with Bartleby’s “I would prefer not to.” I would then leave it there, and the person on the other end would be mightily confused. When they followed up, I would tell them it was done.
That Tintagel shirt… Uther Pendragon lay siege to Tintagel because he lusted after Ygraine, the wife of the Duke of Cornwall, and from Uther’s unholy lusts Arthur Pendragon was born.
No, probably not buying the Tintagel shirt when I have an income stream. Maybe on the Bartleby.
Here we go, off-brand LEGO!
On the left, we have St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Dublin, which gets a mention in the Father Ted Christmas episode. On the right, we have a medieval parish church. Both are quite lovely. Both are quite tempting. I have neither the money nor the space for either at the moment, however. Alas.
Vive le France! Vive l’Empereur!
As someone who has embarked on several journeys through Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace, these two off-brand LEGO sets caught my attention — and led to whole minutes of outrageous French accents.
On the left, Napoleon and a display of the battle of Borodino.
On the right, St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow’s Red Square, which was used as a stable by the French cavalry when they occupied Moscow.
Like Galadriel when Frodo offers her the One Ring, I cannot say that my heart does not greatly desire these.
These I shall ponder.
I also like this Stonehenge set. Pandorica probably not included. But I do have eleventh Doctor minifigs, so when I feel the need to taunt all of the universe’s baddies, I’ll know what to do.
Finally, these two off-brand LEGO sets. In the land where I was born, there was a cow who wore a kilt…
One celebrates the 60th-anniversary of the song “Yellow Submarine.”
The other is a cow from the Scottish highlands in a kilt, carrying bagpipes, because after a weeklong bender of haggis and pine needle beer, you’re going to see a cow in a kilt carrying bagpipes. Guaranteed.
Both of these are tempting. Both are not in the budget right now.
This is why I need a job, so I can buy off-brand LEGO I don’t even have room for.
Good choices, Facebook! I expect restaurant recommendations in Memphis any day now.