My fellow writers, Times New Roman offends me.
Its crimes against reason and common sense are legion. Times New Roman is common. Times New Roman is plebian. Times New Roman lacks style and panache. Times New Roman is blase. Times New Roman lacks art.
Times New Roman has cast a spell upon the world. It is past time that its grip on the minds of every freethinking person be broken.
Therefore, I today declare war upon Times New Roman.
In consultation with my ally Palatino Linotype, we believe that the long twilight struggle against the forces of Times New Roman can be won.
It will be a long struggle. There will be many casualties. Many papers will be printed and pulped. Many websites will be ignored. Only by shunning Times New Roman can this struggle be won.
There can be no surrender. We must be eternally vigilant. The fate of style itself lies in the balance. Times New Roman must be cast down upon the scrapheap of history.