On Search Phrase Madness

I haven’t pulled a server log recently to extract search phrases to see what’s hitting big. Honestly, there’s been little need — for a day-to-day look at what people are looking for, the Automattic Stats plug-in for WordPress has done a pretty good job of letting me see, without nasty server logs, what people are looking for when they surf through here on their way from Google or Yahoo!

A review of the stats page this morning showed two really odd search phrases I just had to share.

1) “how does the bible explain people on other planets.”

Umm. Okay. The Bible doesn’t explain people on other planets. At least, I don’t think it does — I haven’t read it in a number of years, nor do I have any burning desire to do so. But I think it’s safe to say that the Bible speaks not word one about the methane breathers on Beta Quintesetz V and their polytheistic tantric belief system.

Though if someone can give me a citation, I’ll gladly take it. My guess is that it’s probably in the Book of Armaments.


2) “adult amish fanfiction.”

Umm. What?

First, if there’s adult Amish fiction out there, it wouldn’t surprise me. There’s something for everyone on the ‘net, after all.

Second, if someone wanted to adult Amish fiction, why would it be fan fiction? It’s not like there’s some property whose toes the writer would be stepping on. And surely there’s a market for erotic Amish fiction. Someone will pay for erotic Amish fiction. Someone. Somewhere. No fucking doubt.

Third, just because I lived in Amish country doesn’t mean I know jack about the mating habits of the Amish. If you want my honest opinion? Those dour expressions they wear all the time? Masking some really kinky shit. They don’t want the English to know how completely depraved they are. 😆

One other random thought, just because a quick glance tells me I do receive a number of hits on this. Yes, some enterprising manga publisher should release a Doctor Who manga. But no, I don’t have any secret knowledge about a Doctor Who manga. I’m imagining the Doctor and Martha landing smack dab in the middle of a mecha war. Oh, duuuude…. 🙂

Published by Allyn

A writer, editor, journalist, sometimes coder, occasional historian, and all-around scholar, Allyn Gibson is the writer for Diamond Comic Distributors' monthly PREVIEWS catalog, used by comic book shops and throughout the comics industry, and the editor for its monthly order forms. In his over ten years in the industry, Allyn has interviewed comics creators and pop culture celebrities, covered conventions, analyzed industry revenue trends, and written copy for comics, toys, and other pop culture merchandise. Allyn is also known for his short fiction (including the Star Trek story "Make-Believe,"the Doctor Who short story "The Spindle of Necessity," and the ReDeus story "The Ginger Kid"). Allyn has been blogging regularly with WordPress since 2004.

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