The Sophia Myles film festival continues!
In 2006 Myles appeared as Lucy Westenra in a new BBC adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, with a cast that included Marc Warren as the sanguinary count, Rafe Spall as Jonathan Harker, and David Suchet as Van Helsing.
Oh my god, what a piece of shite!
What the hell this muddled mess has to do with Dracula I couldn’t tell you.
The first half hour is filled with the machinations of Arthur Holmwood, who apparently was a 19th-century douchebag (which I never picked up on in reading Stoker, sorry) as he curses god for giving him syphilis, treats his fiancée-then-wife Lucy Westenra like dirt, and joins a Freemasons-like secret society of vampire worshipers. Then Jonathan Harker is sent to the continent, his employer gets a bullet through the head (the secret society’s doing, actually), and his fiancée Mina Murray is questioned by the CID as to Harker’s whereabouts and possible involvement in the murder. And then, of course, there’s weird goings-on in Transylvania at Castle Dracula.
What the hell some of this shit — and I am going to call it “shit” because it’s downright shitty and I’m not going to mince words on this fucker — has to do with Bram Stoker’s book, I don’t fucking know. I’m sorry, but Potato Moon makes more sense than this.
Yes, it looks great. The BBC does costume drama very well, as I said in regards to Doctor Who‘s “The Girl in the Fireplace.”
But there’s little recognizable in the story from Stoker except the names of the characters, and the direction is downright turgid.
I gave up on this turkey after half an hour. Life’s too damn short to waste it watching bad Dracula movies. Yes, Sophia Myles looked fantastic. But the movie was so damn boring I just couldn’t stick it out for some fang action. Now I feel like watching the original Universal Dracula just to scrub my brain of this complete botch.
On that note, this brings the Memorial Day Weekend Sophia Myles Film Festival to a close.
I had considered watching Underworld, but her role amounts to about two minutes of screen-time. I also considered watching some Moonlight, which I really didn’t like at first, but gradually came to really enjoy, but I don’t feel like watching all sixteen episodes or so. Of course, I could watch Art School Confidential, but considering the rest of the Sophia Myles Film Festival was costume dramas and period pieces, it wouldn’t really “fit.”
Why the Memorial Day Weekend Sophia Myles Film Festival? I have a coworker to thank for that.
On Thursday at work, I was watching the trailer for Outlander. I was really looking forward to sitting down this weekend and watching. My coworker wanted to know what I was watching. I told him.
“I bought that. It wasn’t good.”
My eyes boggled, I’m sure of it. “What do you mean, ‘It wasn’t good’? It’s got Vikings and aliens and Ron Perlman!
“You see Pathfinder? It’s like that, but worse.”
“But! But! It’s got Sophia Myles!” 😯
(I should mention, by the way, that I have a miniature of Sophia Myles as the Madame de Pompedour on my desk at work.)
The name rang no bells with my coworker. So I started rattling off her filmography, and it occurred to me that I have a surprising amount of it on DVD.
So in my coworker’s honor, because he dissed Outlander and didn’t even know who Sophia Myles was, I decided to have a Memorial Day Weekend Sophia Myles Film Festival.
And tomorrow, we’ll return to your regularly scheduled allyngibson.net lunacy. :cheers: