Sesame Street is coming to an envelope near you; the Postal Service has announced a series of Sesame Street stamps, featuring most of your favorite Muppets. I say “most”; Sherlock Hemlock is nowhere to be found.
To promote the stamps, the Sesame Street Twitter account asked this important question yesterday:
We’re re-enacting Cast Away, but with the Muppets from Sesame Street. Okay! Let’s go through this, from the Muppet I least want to be stranded with to the most.
Elmo. Elmo is not my friend. Elmo can die in a fire. I do not want to be stuck on a deserted island with Elmo under any circumstances. Elmo is the goddamn worst.
Oscar the Grouch. Now, I’m quite fond of Oscar and, if he has his trashcan with him, which is dimensionally transcendent like the TARDIS, he and I could be fine for a long, long time, however long it takes to be rescued. But I think I would become tired of Oscar’s prickly attitude pretty quickly: “Yes, Oscar, I know. we’re stuck on a deserted island. Yes, Oscar, I know, our prospects for rescue in the near-term do not look good. I don’t need to hear about it from you every five minutes. You’re not fucking helping, Oscar.”
Cookie Monster. I think being stranded with Cookie Monster on a deserted island would be pleasant. There would be all sorts of things we could discuss, like literature and film and whether Upstairs Downstairs is better than Me, Claudius. But I would worry about Cookie Monster if we were on a deserted island. What if we run out of cookies? Our discussions of culture would give way to Cookie Monster’s existential despair at being deprived of his raison d’être, and I would not want to wish that on anyone, let alone a beloved friend like Cookie Monster. As personally gratifying as it would be to me to be stranded with Cookie Monster, I couldn’t bear to see Cookie Monster suffer in pain like that.
Grover. Let’s be upfront. Grover can be high maintenance. Grover can be overly dramatic. (See The Monster at the End of this Book.) Grover needs a lot of reassurance. But keeping Grover stable, reassuring Grover that we’re going to make it, would take my mind off the bleak reality of our situation and our dire prospects for survival. Keeping Grover from losing his mind would keep my from losing my own mind.
While others have focused on which Muppets are most edible, I’ve focused on personalities.
If I have to be stuck on a deserted island, I’d like to be stranded with Grover.