Writers should never be left to their own devices.
As it happens, one can live for about two months on a diet consisting only of beer and water, at which point scurvy will start to set in.
The proximate cause for this revelation? J. Wilson of Iowa gave up food for Lent, and subsisted for forty-six days on a diet consisting solely of beer. No, that’s not nonsensical; as it turns out, a German monastic order did the same in the Middle Ages.
Naturally, we writers at the office had to kick this around, especially when we learned that Wilson lost a fair bit of weight from his beer-only diet.
“We’re writers,” I said. “Drinking at all hours is socially acceptable for us. Society expects us to be drunks and alcoholics.”
So we had to discuss which kind of beer would be best — and at what point would it be cheaper to buy groceries and eat food than to consume multiple beers?
Since beer is not nutritionally rounded (though Guinness is better than most), would dietary supplements be necessary?
If Wilson drank four or five beers a day, what should be consumed at the traditional meal times? One for breakfast, two for lunch, and two for dinner? Or replace lunch with one at mid-morning and one at early-afternoon?
Of course, that led into the messy question of whether the beer diet would be feasible in the modern office environment.
Then, how long should one stay on the diet? Do one month on the diet and lose thirty to forty pounds, go back on food for a month, and repeat the diet as necessary until the ideal weight is reached?
This is what writers do when they put their heads together. They come up with crazy yet workable plans.
Guinness is the way I’d go, were I to do something like this. Guinness is good for you, after all.